Living in a Neurotypical World: My Life as a Neurodivergent Mom
Hi! I’m Elle. 🤗
Navigating life as a neurodivergent mom in a neurotypical world can feel like playing a game where everyone else knows the rules except you. I have ADHD, and believe me when I tell you every day is an adventure.
This is my story…
The Early Days: Discovering My Neurodivergence
I always knew I was different. As a child, I struggled to pay attention in class, watching people go to sharpen their pencils and losing time entirely. My mom chalked it up to me being a “free spirit,” but as I got older, the differences became more pronounced. In college, I often stayed up all night to finish assignments, not because I procrastinated, but because my “side quests” (iykyk) would eat up so much time. But it wasn’t until I became a mom that I realized how much it felt like I was a round peg trying to fit into a world full of square holes… and I have been on a mission to understand my brain ever since.
💡 The Diagnosis: A Lightbulb Moment
Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult was like finding the missing piece of a puzzle. Suddenly, everything made sense—the scattered thoughts, the impulsivity, the constant struggle to keep things organized. It was a relief to know that my brain wasn’t broken; it was just wired differently. This diagnosis became the lens through which I began to see my life, and it was instrumental in helping me navigate the challenges of parenthood.
🖍️Parenting with ADHD: A Daily Adventure
Parenting is hard enough, but add good ‘ole genetic ADHD into the mix, and it becomes a daily adventure in survival and creativity.
The Great Lunchbox Mystery: One morning, in the rush to get the kids out the door, I couldn’t find my kid’s lunchbox. We searched high and low, but it was nowhere to be found. Eventually, we gave up, and she took her lunch in some other mealtime apparatus. Later, I found the lunchbox in the pantry, upright next to all the cereal boxes. How did it get there? Your guess is as good as mine.
Neat Little Nests Everywhere: Some people call them “doom piles,” but in our home, they are “nests.” They are stacks of homework, mailers, field trip permission slips, and other random things sorted into seemingly unorganized piles. They are things that shouldn’t be put away entirely because then we will forget they exist, but then are chaotically dug into and torn apart like a dog hiding a bone when we need something from them.
Calendar Confusion: Keeping track of my kids’ schedules is like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle, but way less graceful. Every spirit week or themed day I am a lunatic making sure I have the right thing on the right day for each kid, for days before. Somehow we still seem to mess something up. 😂
Strategies for Managing Chaos
Living in a neurotypical world requires some creative strategies to manage the chaos. Here are a few tips that have helped me stay (somewhat) organized and sane:
Embrace Technology: My smartphone is my lifeline. I use apps for everything—calendars, reminders, shopping lists, and even medication tracking. Setting multiple alarms for important tasks (like when I need to leave to pick up the kids, for example!) has saved me from countless mishaps and hopefully some trauma for them. 🤪
Simplify and Declutter: Do as I say and not as I do on this one… But we all know that clutter is the enemy of an ADHD brain. I try to declutter our home every couple of months, donating or discarding items we no longer need. I also try to simplify our routines, focusing on what’s truly important and letting go of the rest. As a people pleaser, that has not always been easy and I still feel guilty. But it’s better for everyone if mom isn’t losing her mind because we have too many places to be and not enough time in the day.
Create a Command Center: I have a “command center” in our kitchen— our Alexa is synced to our calendars, shopping lists, and to-do lists, and I have an accordian file folder with all of our important documents. This central hub helps keep everyone on the same page and reduces the number of frantic searches for misplaced items. Which I’m not going to lie, still happens.
Using resources like this bingo card give me dopamine while forcing self-care! WIN-WIN! ✨
Lean on Support Systems: Asking for help is crucial. I’ve built a support network of friends, family, and professionals who understand and support my neurodivergent needs. Whether it’s carpooling, babysitting, or just lending an ear, their support is invaluable. When you feel like you’re drowning, that’s when you need help offloading the most!
Practice Self-Care: Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. I make time for activities that recharge me—this blog is one, being creative is another, listening to true crime podcasts, or simply sitting in my closet in the dark for 10 minutes and listening to Headspace guided meditation. Taking care of myself helps me be a better mom and partner.
Navigating the Neurotypical World
Living in a world designed for neurotypical individuals can be challenging, but it also offers opportunities for growth and advocacy. Here’s how I navigate these waters:
Advocating for My Children: As a neurodivergent mom, I feel it is important that I am upfront with my kids’ school about my ADHD. This has helped the teachers to recognize and understand my kiddos’ needs more to ensure they receive the support they need.
Educating Others: I take every opportunity to educate others about neurodiversity. Whether it’s explaining ADHD to my children’s friends or talking to other parents at school events, I believe in breaking down stigmas and fostering understanding. It’s amazing how many people I have met who have told me that me talking about my diagnosis had them go get diagnosed! You never know who you meet who might benefit from your vulnerability and transparency!
Finding Community: Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals and families has been a game-changer. Online forums, support groups, and local meetups provide a sense of belonging and shared experience. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone on this journey, especially when you feel like you are doing it solo.
Embracing My Strengths: ADHD comes with its challenges, but it also brings unique strengths. My creativity, problem-solving skills, and ability to think outside the box have served me well in both parenting and life. Embracing these strengths helps me see my neurodivergence as a gift, not a hindrance. Hell, this blog wouldn’t have happened without the gift of hyperfixation! haha
Staying Flexible: Flexibility is key. Plans change, schedules get disrupted, and things don’t always go as expected. Learning to adapt and go with the flow has helped me manage the unpredictability of both ADHD and parenthood.
Humor: My Secret Weapon
If there’s one thing that has kept me sane through it all, it’s humor. Laughing at my mistakes and finding joy in the absurdities of life helps me maintain perspective. It’s not always easy, and you may not laugh in the moment. But if you can look back on a situation and laugh about it I promise it makes it easier. Making these memes over these last couple of months has helped me immensely, it’s a silly way to get the emotions out in the moment that makes me laugh after. lol
Embracing My Neurodivergent Life
Living in a neurotypical world as a neurodivergent mom is a journey of discovery, adaptation, and growth. It’s about finding balance amidst chaos, advocating for myself and my children, and embracing the unique strengths that come with neurodiversity. It’s also about laughing at the mishaps and finding joy in the everyday moments.
If you’re on a similar path, know that you’re not alone. Embrace your neurodivergence, find humor in the challenges, and celebrate the unique journey that is your life. Together, we can navigate this neurotypical world, one beautifully chaotic day at a time!